John Mayer So Did It with Perez Hilton!

Results are in: Gossip guru Perez Hilton and emo singer John Mayer sucked face—with tongue. And—wait for it—Jessica Simpson reportedly rubbed John’s crotch while it all went down.

Don’t buy it? You’re not alone. That’s why Us lined up a polygraph expert from Fox’s Moment of Truth to administer a lie-detector test to Perez. And he passed. So what if the test was given in Perez’s pink-hued walk-in closet?

Only Q he fibbed on was whether he was doing this all for publicity—file that under Duh.

For his part, Mayer remains mostly mum, a bit odd for a guy who doesn’t need a whole lotta impetus to wax from the heart on his official blog. His latest post, musings and life lessons from a continuing trip to Japan, slips in an oblique ref to “a young guy who maintains a celebrity blog that subsists on tearing other people down but who has wrestled with a lifelong battle for acceptance as a gay man.”

Not enough, Johnny boy—someone’s not telling the truth. If it didn’t happen, ball’s in your court to say so.