Britney’s Parenting Secrets: On a Witness Stand Soon!

Despite Britney Spears’ recent attempts to appear less batshit crazy, her ongoing custody battle is poised to reach a fever pitch. A custody evaluation detailing highs and lows of the pop tart’s parenting habits was filed on Friday by Dr. Jane Shatz. (Unfortunate but appropriate last name for this case.)

The Shatz report was commissioned by L.A. County Family Court in response to Britney’s battle for control of her children, Sean Preston and Jayden James, with ex-scrub/beneficiary of her lunacy Kevin Federline.

The contents should come clear at a May 6 hearing. Britney herself might actually show this time, sources say. She previously avoided a court appearance due to a sudden craving for Cheetos and ciggies lack of parking.

Even if the report insanely paints Britney in a positive light, she’s still acting the fool now and then. She was just shot walking around her gym dressed in only a towel to get some water. She wasn’t in the locker room—she was drifting near the weights and smiling at people.

Uh, bring a bottle of Poland Springs—put some clothes on before you hit the bubbler. Damn that girl is so much fun!