Asbestos Sinks Scientology Boat 'Cruise'
The Church of Scientology's 40-year-old cruise ship, Freewinds, has been sealed and docked by officials in Curacao due to the discovery of massive amounts of blue asbestos on board. Blue asbestos is a known human carcinogen and considered "the most lethal form of asbestos." You do not want these molecules wafting through the ventilation over the Lido Deck.
Freewinds is the floating facility in which those Scientologists who have ascended to the church's highest levels—they'e called clears, if you're not in the know—come to learn about their interstellar volcano God futures. It was also the location for Tom Cruise's nightmarish 2004 birthday party in which he proved he should never be allowed to sing or dance in public again. Because he's a tuneless maniac.
The discovery of asbestos aboard the Freewinds actually took place 20 years ago. Lawrence Woodcraft, a former Scientologist, filed an affidavit in 2001 claiming that he identified the asbestos while working on the ship in 1987. Woodcraft said he revealed the toxic mess to Scientology leaders at the time. Guess they were too busy trying to summon a flying saucer to call someone about clearing away the deadly hazard.
The asbestos was recently detected again by the Curacao Drydock Company when Freewinds was taken in for repair work, and the carcinogen had reportedly entered the ventilation system.
Don't worry, your human body will die a horrible lung cancer death, but your thetans will be around for millennia to come. No big.