Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt Get Real Help for Fake Relationship

On The Hills, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are currently on a “relationship vacation,” and the world is breathless as to whether or not whoever writes that bullshit will have them get back together.

Offscreen, to everyone’s collective nausea, the two are colluding for recognition on a daily basis across America’s TV screens and tabloid magazines. Seriously, we need a new word for “odious.”

So, is it real or Memorex? Access Hollywood decided to intervene and find out exactly what the deal is. Besides the checks H&S are receiving.

In this video, the couple are blindsided by a “therapy intervention.”

The best part is when Maria Menounos asks bimbette Heidi if they can get Spencer to come on camera, and she actually says, “I don’t know if you can get him.” Bitch, you two are attached at the hip by gross! You’re worse than those twins that are attached at the face! And way less attractive.

Therapist Dr. Gail Saltz has the two play rock, paper, scissors to determine who goes first, then they try to dissect that time when Spencer crashed Heidi’s “girls’ night out” and was chatting up other women. Heidi felt betrayed. Watching her find synonyms for “betrayed” is painful.

Dr. Gail’s advice? They need to stop talking at each other. America’s advice is “suicide pact.”