Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson Do Paris

It can can finally be stated definitively: Despite all of the speculation, Lindsay Lohan and her near-constant companion, DJ Samantha Ronson, are just pals.

After all, pals vacation together in the most romantic city in the world all the time. And one of them usually winds up with a hickey. Right?

Looking like a couple of characters out of Les Misérables—or perhaps Miserable Lezzies—the scowly, black-clad duo weaved through the City of Lights yesterday, taking in the Louvre and Palais Royal as French citizens looked on and wondered exactly what they had done to deserve this.

That wasn’t the only mystery of the day: Sam was spotted with a curious mark on her neck that looked suspiciously like a hickey.

Either that, or someone tried to strangle her to death in a drunken blackout. Love can be a fickle thing.