Papa Joe Polishing His Formal Shotgun

Break out the rice and champagne! According to Us Weekly, Pete Wentz and probably pregnant Ashlee Simpson will be exchanging vows in a “top secret” location on Saturday, May 17.

No word on what kind of wedding dress Ashlee will be wearing, or how far the dress will have to be let out to accommodate the child that she still refuses to admit she’s carrying. (By the way, how traumatic will it be for that kid to look back on news stories about how his parents refused to acknowledge his very existence?)

In related news, the couple—who announced their engagement last month—appeared on Los Angeles radio station Star 98.7 FM this morning to discuss the trajectory of their oh-so-fabulous relationship.

According to Pete, Ashlee kept him “in the friend zone” for a year and was so unimpressed when she first met him that he had to email her his picture to jog her memory after their initial meet-up. Nonetheless, Pete noted, “The first time we hung out, she flashed me.”

Simpson confirmed the anecdote, stating, “I lifted my dress over my head for him.”

Ashlee Simpson, exposing herself to a guy she just met and could barely be bothered to remember? Someone pass the smelling salts.

Whatever; it’s nice to see Pete making an honest woman out of Ashlee.

Well, except for that whole lip-synching thing. That’s not very honest at all.