Audrina Half Naked = Grim Sign of the Times

An unpopular war with no end in sight. Four-dollar-a-gallon gas.

Americans are sacrificing a lot lately. But this is going too far.

Second-tier Hills cast member Audrina Patridge is currently in Hawaii, filming the direct-to-DVD sequel to 2005’s Into the Blue. As any connoisseur of female flesh knows, the original film starred Jessica Alba.

Sure, Patridge is no heifer. And in a certain light, from certain angles, with a certain amount of alcohol involved, she might even be considered not unattractive.

And, yes, Into the Blue was no Citizen Kane.

But if they’re going to make an inferior sequel to an already lousy movie, they should at least find a female lead who’s somewhere near the same league as the original’s star.

Audrina Patridge is to Jessica Alba what Alpo is to prime rib. What roller skates are to a jet plane. What Richard Simmons is to Conan the Barbarian.

And no, it doesn’t really help that someone is applying oil to her buttocks in some of these photos. That’s like sprinkling a dash of pepper onto a week-old grilled-cheese sandwich and trying to pass it off as a gourmet meal.

If things go any further downhill in this country, it might be time for a revolt.

Tags: Jessica Alba