Audrina Patridge Feels the Heat…

She’s in Speidi territory now. Audrina Patridge, or The Hills’ one and only dark-haired vapid fame sucker, hit the fifth-anniversary celebration of Ashton Kutcher, Wilmer Valderrama and Danny Masterson’s Dolce Tuesday night. And she brought along Justin Bobby, or Justin Brescia, her perpetual grimy grunter of an ass-wipe boyfriend.

Yes, contrary to all reason and sanity, she has bounced back to this loser Lothario. Ah, but there is justice, ’cause while the waiting throngs went absolutely nuts for her, they couldn’t be bothered by him.

Inside the party, she earned a dollop of respect for tossing off Joe Francis when he tried to hit her up about posing for his Girls Gone Wild empire. “Tell her I’m legit,” an E! Online source says he whined, to no avail.

On the red carpet, though, with no Lauren Conrad in sight, Audrina rode the paparazzi tide like a crown princess who’d been coiled to pounce. 

She graciously—or obliviously—anted up, “I haven’t heard of that,” when asked about Spencer Pratt’s latest classless move. She pretended instead to focus on her escort for the evening, not realizing J.B. was sidling along with his middle finger riding high.

Justin Bobby, what a knobby. Check out the clip below, while we figure out how we can knock some sense into Audrina’s airhead.