The Hogans Dish Out a Family-Size Serving of Icky

What a week it’s shaping up to be for the Hogan clan—and it’s still only Wednesday!

Things literally started with a bang, when oily-gluted daughter Brooke got in a fender-bender in Clearwater, Florida, on Sunday. Which wouldn’t be a terribly newsworthy event, if it didn’t involve the Hogans and their industrial-grade tackiness.

According to TMZ, shortly after the accident Brooke published a post on her MySpace page crediting her brother Nick and his friend John Graziano—who’s currently in a coma because of Nick’s reckless driving—with saving her life, since they inadvertently taught her the importance of wearing a seat belt. The post disappeared shortly after reports of it emerged on the Internet.

Stay classy, Brooke! But then, how could you not, with a role model like your mother Linda? This week also saw the leak of yet another prison phone call between Nick and Linda, and this time it was Linda’s turn to do the whining. Apparently, she can’t understand why Graziano’s mother, Debra, is so upset about her son being in a persistent vegetative state. After assuring her precious little snowflake that “you don’t deserve to be [in jail]” for putting Graziano in Terri Schiavo mode, Linda declares, “I knew [John] better than his own mother…And she has no other recourse other than to than to be nasty and vindictive right now.”

Totally; where does Debra Graziano get off, acting all uppity just because her son will most likely never be sentient again? What a bitch.

But wait, there’s more. Linda goes on to weepily assert that “John never meant anything to her or [John’s father] Ed” and, “She’s not suffering, I am!” (Hulk also engaged in some victim-blaming recently. During a jailhouse conversation with Nick, the Hulkster opined that God laid some “heavy sh*t” on Graziano because of things he was “into.”)

Absolutely! Where is the justice? Listen to the full audio recording here. But be forewarned; your blood just might boil over while contemplating the grave unfairness of it all.

Oh, well, at least Linda can console herself in the arms of the 19-year-old boat-maintenance guy she’s reportedly started dating

Say what you will about the Hogans, they never fail to entertain.

What will the rest of this week hold for this wacky clan? Check back tomorrow; Hulk will probably be body-slamming a near-lifeless Graziano while bellowing, “What’s your problem, bro?”