Ashlee Simpson: Number 427 with a Bullet

Guess Ashlee Simpson got knocked up for no good reason.

Despite the obvious publicity benefits of a high-profile wedding and drawn-out pregnancy rumors, Ash’s newest album, Bittersweet World, has sold a paltry 95,612 copies.

No, that’s not in one day. Or just the sales in Guam. That’s worldwide. Since its April 22 release.

Simpson’s last album, I Am Me, moved 220,000 units in its first week of release.

Hey, wait a minute! Could it possibly be that Ashlee canceled her tour for reasons other than her impending delivery? Shocking!

On the plus side, Simpson can now concentrate on more pressing issues. Like installing an electrified, barbed-wire fence around her home to prevent Papa Joe from snatching her kid and pitching it to the networks for its own reality show.

Without cutting Ashlee in for a piece of the deal.