Paris Hilton Chokes Back Double Wedding Rumors

Paris Hilton is denying rumors that she will be marrying her boyfriend Benji Madden in a nightmarish double-wedding scenario where her best friend, Nicole Richie, stands beside her marrying Benji’s twin, Joel.

“No, I think we both would want to have separate weddings,” Paris said in an interview with E!’s Ryan Seacrest.

Paris, who has been dating Good Charlotte’s Igor-esque second banana for several months now, is considering being a copycat mother.

“Harlow has really just changed [Nicole’s] life,” spouts Paris. “And I love kids, so I can’t wait to have one one day.”

Call out the National Guard! And the CDC! Please help children with their oxygen masks before applying your own!

The Madden brothers appeared on Seacrest’s show the day after Paris, and simpered about their love for The Simple Life stars.

Hilton’s boy Benji noted that he “looks up” to brother Joel’s relationship with Richie, and that “they’re the coolest family” he’s ever seen.

Uh, it’s his brother, and his brother’s kid. Isn’t that his family, too?