Heidi Montag Claims Christ-Like Qualities

And some people were offended when John Lennon said that the Beatles were bigger than Jesus.

Hills brainiac Heidi Montag—who recently made news for buying an arsenal of guns—wants everyone to know how deeply, deeply close she is to her Creator. And no, she’s not talking about svengali Spencer Pratt

“I have been the most religious person since I was two years old. I always felt this crazy connection to God,” Montag confided to USA Today.

But didn’t hyper-pious Heidi break the “bearing false witness” commandment by spreading sex-tape rumors about Hills costar Lauren Conrad?

“God knows the truth in all of this,” counters Montag. “That is the only thing that matters. Jesus was persecuted, and I’m going to get persecuted, ya know?”

Absolutely! Heidi’s just like Jesus. Jesus turned water into wine. Heidi turned looking okay in a bikini into a twisted pseudo-fame. Jesus walked on water. Heidi walked all over her Hills castmates.

Because she’s so much like Jesus, Montag says she wants to record a Christian album.

Which should save some souls. After hearing Montag’s tortured-cat singing style, even the most hardened atheist is bound to yell, “Oh, Jesus; take me now!”