Katie Holmes Not Getting Much Regard on Broadway

Katie Holmes might throw a rocking housewarming party, but putting meat in the seats on Broadway is proving to be a challenge.

Page Six reports that advance ticket sales for the Holmes-starring production of Arthur Miller’s All My Sons—which opens in in September—have been flatter than Keira Knightley in a wetsuit.

“I bought 1,000 tickets for the show,” laments one broker. “I still have them.”

Overall, advance sales are said to total less than $1 million, a mere shadow of the $4 million advance Cruise’s other wife Nicole Kidman brought in when she hit the boards for David Hare’s The Blue Room.

Hmmm, could it be because, Dawson’s Creek aside, Katie is primarily known for being married to Tom Cruise, whose status has plummeted from box-office gold to couch-jumping wacko in recent years?

Time for Tom to harness his waning appeal—and the almighty powers of Xenu—in service of his wife’s career.

You know, bombard New York’s airwaves with a TV spot, featuring spooky theremin music and a close-up of Cruise’s eyes as he hypnotically drones, “Don’t be glib—go see Katie Holmes in All My Sons. Don’t be glib—go see Katie Holmes in All My Sons…”

Who could resist? No one who knows what’s good for them, that’s for sure.