Natalie Portman’s Cap Gets Another Feather

Is there any role that Natalie Portman can’t master?

Harvard grad. Bald hottie. On occasion, human fire hydrant.

And now the Devendra Banhart squeeze is adding “director” to her résumé.

Portman’s directorial debut, the 17-minute short film Eve, will receive its official unveiling at the Venice Film Festival, which opens August 27.

The movie, described as a “civilized comedy” by the festival organizers, stars the eternally youthful Lauren Bacall and Ben Gazarra. Though plot details are scarce, if there’s any justice in this world, Eve will also include a make-out scene between Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz.

In fact, the MPAA should really just go ahead and make that a requirement for every film. That sort of thing would guarantee an audience for even the most unwatchable dreck.