John Mayer’s Really, Really Big Show

Musical ladies’ man John Mayer is said to be close to making a deal with CBS to host his own Ed Sullivan-style variety show, says Fox News.

According to their sources, the proposed small-screen extravaganza would feature May-May—who’s been brushing up on his interview chops lately—chilling and shooting the breeze with his intimate cabal of bros. The singer has also expressed his interest in interviewing his vast array of ex-girlfriends on the show.

This should end well.

“Welcome to the Humiliation Hour With John Mayer! I’m your host, John Mayer, and my guest tonight is Jennifer Aniston. Hello Jen, and thank you for being here. Tell me; when did you first start to develop fantasies about repeatedly running me over with your SUV?”

“Well, I suppose it was when I realized that, even when I let you slide on screwing around on me twice, you still couldn’t keep it in your pa—AARGGH! I’M GOING TO RIP YOUR FACE OFF AND WEAR IT AS A MASK WHILE I DISEMBOWEL YOU WITH MY TEETH!”

“Whoa, hey! Well, I guess that’s all we have time for; join us next time when Minka Kelly will try to castrate me with a pair of pinking shears! See you then! Uh, security?”

As far as visual entertainment goes, very few things have the same potential to horrify. 

Tags: John Mayer