Amy Winehouse: She’s Xenu’s Problem Now

With every other effort to put Amy Winehouse on the road to wellness having failed, the wacky, crack-y, drinking lots of Jack-y “Rehab” singer may be turning to a higher power: The Church of Scientology.

According to the Mail, Wine-O has been telling friends that she received a “welcoming” call from the church’s Los Angeles-based celebrity center, offering her help with her way-beyond-developing substance-abuse problems. What’s more, she’s considering the offer.

“They told her they wanted to help her beat drugs and could tailor-make a programme so she wouldn’t have to go to a residential center,” a Winehouse insider tells the paper.  “She liked that idea because her husband Blake [Fielder-Civil] is out of prison soon and [she] wouldn’t want to be away from him when he’s finally freed.”

The Church’s Narconon drug program entails dosages of vitamin cocktails, followed by a series of sauna visits and a “detox diet,” culminating in immersion in several Scientology self-help books.

That’s it? If the church is smart, they’ll hire an exorcist and rent a flame-thrower, because it’s going to take a lot more than a few hot-tub soaks and some suggested reading to cure what ails Amy Winehouse.