Jessica Simpson Has Big Hits In Russia

Major Movie Star has made a major movie star out of baby factory Jessica Simpson in Russia, reports Fox News.

Chances are no one Stateside has heard of the flick, which has been described as both Private Benjamin-like and “maybe one of the worst films ever made.” It’s not even being released here.

This is a stunning geographic achievement for Simpson, considering the country of Canada recently told her to kanuck off.

Fox News notes that the film will next premiere in Russia. In fact, it’s only being released in non-English-speaking countries.

But, wait, doesn’t that mean Jessica’s actual voice won’t be in the film, since she’ll be overdubbed in each country’s language?

Why, that’s like erasing her from the movie!

Ohhh—suddenly it’s starting to make sense why this is turning out to be a hit overseas…