Dane Cook Tops Least Funny Comedian List

By: Betsy Waldman / January 21, 2009

Much like getting ripped off by your own relatives or stepping in a pile of dog feces left on the ground by your inconsiderate neighbor, there may be nothing funny about Dane Cook.

At least, that’s according to the experts at Coed magazine, who list the 36-year-old, Boston-born comedian as the main offender in their “Top 10 Most Unfunny Comedians of All Time” list. 

Categorizing Cook as “a cheap hack—the McDonald’s of comedy,” the magazine implores, him, “Please go away, Dane. Planet Earth will thank you.”

Ouch! And LOL. The complete list of humorless humorists, along with abridged Coed commentary, follows below:

10. Carrot Top
“Carrot Top is so unfunny, it’s a stretch to even call him a comedian.”

9. Sinbad
“He’s only famous because he doesn’t scare white people.”

8. Louie Anderson
“Listening to a fat dude wheeze about how much it sucks to be fat—boring.”

7. Whoopi Goldberg
“In general, Whoopi Goldberg’s audience are middle-aged soccer moms who love Walmart.”

6. Richard Lewis
“All he jokes about is how much he sucks at life, which makes sense… considering how much he sucks at comedy.”

5.Judy Tenuta
“Between her skin-crawl voice and embarrassingly bad act, we can’t decide what we hate most.”

4. Jimmy Fallon
“Our prediction: His hosting career will last one night, ending with Fallon crying himself to death from vicious self loathing and a nasty case of hair gel scalp burn.”

3. Kathy Griffin
“We almost feel sorry for Kathy Griffin. But then she opens her mouth.”

2. Carlos Mencia
“He steals his jokes and then re-writes them into something so offensively terrible that we become nauseated.”

1. Dane Cook
“Dane Cook’s existence makes this a worse world in which to live.”

Now that Coed has told the world how they really feel, have a say in comments: Did they miss anyone?  Did they hit anyone unfairly?