John Mayer Hilariously Debunks Kristin Cavallari Dating Rumors

John Mayer is one funny dude—and we’re not talking about his taste in cruise-wear.

The puppy-eyed troubadour has been plagued by rumors that he’s been getting busy with Hills hottie Kristin Cavallari recently, so he did what he needed to do—he took to his Twitter account to quash the scuttlebutt.

And hilarity ensued.

“Rumor control: How do I put this like a gentleman…I have never high fived Kristin Cavalari [sic] with my penis,” Mayer wrote.

But he didn’t stop there.

“I’m sure she’s a wonderful gal but we have never tasted the Skittles Rainbow together,” Mayer continued.

“My Milli has never slam danced with her Vanilli,” he went on.

“I have never Bensoned her Hedges, nor have I attempted to Bartle her James,” Mayer concluded.

Comedy gold, John. Comedy gold!