Patrick Swayze’s Memoir Says He Was at Peace With Death

Take heart, Patrick Swayze fans; through the Dirty Dancing actor’s death on Monday was a great loss, he had apparently made peace with the fact that he was going to pass away.

According to excerpts from Swayze’s memoir, The Time of My Life, published by the New York Times on Wednesday, the actor came to grips with his imminent demise after experiencing an “emotional rollercoaster.”

Swayze wrote that, when he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in January 2008, “I had been excited about the upswing my life was on. Now it all seemed like a cruel joke. I couldn’t be dying—I had too much to live for!”

But eventually, he came to accept his eventual death and realized that, whether he beat his cancer or not, he could look back without regrets:

“I began thinking to myself, I’ve had more lifetimes than any 10 people put together, and it’s been an amazing ride. So this is okay.”

The Time of My Life, which Swayze co-wrote with his wife of 34 years, Lisa Niemi, will be published on September 29.