Stephenie Meyer Keeps Day Job
Just an average American gal, acclaimed Twilight book series author Stephenie Meyer keeps herself grounded through her day job as a Microsoft customer-service rep. Despite selling more than fifteen bazillion copies of her teen RomVamp novels, Meyer remains a valuable commodity to the public at large, troubleshooting their vexing Microsoft fatal error codes.
Celebuzz recently obtained a transcript of one of Meyer’s customer-care phone calls.
STEPH: Hey, I’m Steph, how can I help you today?
CALLER: My screen is frozen again. I hate this stupid Windows 7!
STEPH: Oh, my god, that’s so romantic.
STEPH: Is your name Edward? That is such a romantic name.
CALLER: It’s Carl.
STEPH: Oh, that is romantic. I can imagine you with a cape, not for flying, but to add to your mystery.
CALLER: Seriously, my computer is frozen here. What do I do?
STEPH: I was watching my children at swimming lessons, and thinking to myself, “Isabella, what a romantic name.”
CALLER: I’ve got to get this damn thing working.
STEPH: I’m picturing a thunderstorm of rose petals falling like dew drops onto our young lovers.
CALLER: Dew drops don’t fall from the sky. I think you mean rain drops.
STEPH: Rain. How romantic. Like little wet kisses from the Gods.
CALLER: I should probably just get a Mac, huh?
STEPH: Mac Cambridge, he’s a beastly immortal in love with a blind girl who’s missing one foot. She senses his inner passion. Oh, my god, that would be so romantic.
CALLER: <hangs up>
(Editor’s Note: This piece is obviously completely fabricated. You can’t get a live person on the phone at Microsoft. Not even Steph.)