Stephenie Meyer Keeps Day Job

Just an average American gal, acclaimed Twilight book series author Stephenie Meyer keeps herself grounded through her day job as a Microsoft customer-service rep. Despite selling more than fifteen bazillion copies of her teen RomVamp novels, Meyer remains a valuable commodity to the public at large, troubleshooting their vexing Microsoft fatal error codes.

Celebuzz recently obtained a transcript of one of Meyer’s customer-care phone calls.

STEPH:  Hey, I’m Steph, how can I help you today?

CALLER:  My screen is frozen again. I hate this stupid Windows 7!

STEPH:  Oh, my god, that’s so romantic.

CALLER:  What?

STEPH:  Is your name Edward? That is such a romantic name.

CALLER:  It’s Carl.

STEPH:  Oh, that is romantic. I can imagine you with a cape, not for flying, but to add to your mystery.

CALLER:  Seriously, my computer is frozen here. What do I do?

STEPH:  I was watching my children at swimming lessons, and thinking to myself, “Isabella, what a romantic name.”

CALLER:  I’ve got to get this damn thing working. 

STEPH:  I’m picturing a thunderstorm of rose petals falling like dew drops onto our young lovers.

CALLER:  Dew drops don’t fall from the sky. I think you mean rain drops.

STEPH:  Rain. How romantic. Like little wet kisses from the Gods.

CALLER:  I should probably just get a Mac, huh?

STEPH:  Mac Cambridge, he’s a beastly immortal in love with a blind girl who’s missing one foot. She senses his inner passion. Oh, my god, that would be so romantic.

CALLER:  <hangs up>

(Editor’s Note: This piece is obviously completely fabricated. You can’t get a live person on the phone at Microsoft. Not even Steph.)