BUZZINGS: Joe Simpson Is Totally Proud of His Thoroughly Adequate Daughters

  • Joe Simpson declares that his daughters Jessica and Ashlee “aren’t failures.” Because damning your kids with faint praise is the cornerstone of good parenting. (The Superficial)
  • Tiger Woods’ Escalade sustained $8,000 worth of damage in last week’s accident. Multiply that by 100,000, and you’ll probably have the amount of his divorce settlement. (E! Online)
  • Natalie Portman announces, “I’m coming into my womanhood.” Never mind that sound—it’s just a million Star Wars geeks sinning themselves simultaneously. (Parade)
  • Justin Bieber gets beaned in the head by a fan at one of his concerts. If I wasn’t typing right now, I would totally be crossing my fingers in hope that this becomes a new trend. (Ocean Up)
  • Chris Brown’s new song has leaked. The title? “Famous Girl.” Apparently he just can’t stop scoring hits off Rihanna. (The Insider)