Understanding ‘New Moon’ In About a Minute (VIDEO)

Are you one of the few human beings who didn’t contribute to New Moon’s hefty $235 million (and counting) box office total? Do you have no clue why the entire world seems so transfixed by these pasty, melodramatic tween vampires? Are you confused about which fictional boy monster team you’re supposed to be supporting?

Well you’re in luck, because we’ve gotten our hands on this very manageable 1-minute parody of the major plot points of the Twilight films. Why? So you can spend your hard-earned $12 on something worthwhile: like a cursing Miley Cyrus doll!