Tiger Woods’ Alleged Mistresses Now Number Nine and Counting; Wilt Chamberlain’s Ghost Offers Polite Golf Clap

Holy hell, it’s like a clown car of infidelity.

Us Magazine reports that the number of women who claim to have bedded links legend Tiger Woods now numbers at least nine, officially making the profession of being Tiger Woods’ alleged mistress the only growing job sector in the U.S. economy.

In addition to the already much-discussed club manager Rachel Uchitel and Tool Academy alum Jaimee Grubbs, a veritable harem of other women have stepped forward, including Kalika Moquin, Jamie Jungers, 31-year-old “Manhattan clubgoer” Cori Rist, an anonymous Orlando woman, and noted thespian Holly Sampson, whose cinematic oeuvre includes classics such as Descent Into Bondage and Diary of a Horny Housewife.

Oh, and there’s also waitress Mindy Lawton who, apparently unaware of how this whole mistress thing works, complains to News of the World, “all he wanted me for was sex.”

And to hear Lawton tell it, the golf legend likes to play it in the rough. According to Lawton, who claims that their trysts included a fling in a church parking lot,

“Sometimes I looked like a rag doll after we’d made love…He wanted to spank me and loved pulling my hair as we had sex. He also liked me to talk dirty to him, but hair-pulling was what really turned him on.”

That Tiger Woods is such a professional; even in the throes of passion, he’s working on his grip and his swing.

He’s also, apparently, giving his wallet a workout these days; according to Radar Online, Woods shelled out big-time—or at least what would be big-time to most of us—to keep Uchitel quiet, apparently feeling that it was most important to keep his fling with her on the down-low because it was “current and intense.”

The reported cost of Uchitel’s silence? Between $1 million and $3 million. So far.

Careful, Tiger; a million  here, a million there, and suddenly you’re talking about real money.