Humpday Roundup: Billy Corgan & Jessica Simpson — Are They or Aren’t They?
It’s Wednesday again, and that can mean only one thing — the latest edition of the Humpday Roundup — wherein Celebuzz sneaks into the boudoirs of rumored celebrity couples to answer the burning question, “Are They or Aren’t They?”
Uncle Billy, the uber-emo 90’s rocker who’s turned himself into the go-to boyfriend for wayward rocker chicks. Has he really turned his electric-guitar charms onto the tube-steak-pop-cowgirl-crooner with the beefy behind?
Verdict: Probably some light making out while crying together and listening to songs from “Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness”
He, the world famous golfer with the picture perfect family. They (all), the trashy girls with short skirts and loose morals selling stories to the pay-for-news tabloids. The oddest of odd couples, unless you consider millions of years of finely honed man-stinct which overwhelms some men into believing that the future of the species depends upon their fornication.
Verdict: Humping (all 12 known to date)
Tila, the mentally unstable, bisexual “It” girl clinging to her 15 minutes of fame like your grandmother clings to her half-off coupon for Early Bird dining at The Sizzler. Casey, pretty much the same, only much richer thanks to family money from the tampon and Band-Aid business. These two way-too-old-to-be-drunk-and-vomiting-nightly gal pals now claim to be engaged and madly in love. Tough call as to the reality of these reality stars pitter-patterns, but I’m highly skeptical that either has spent a single night in the past year not passed-out in their clothes on the nearest couch or bathroom floor.
Verdict: Totally make out sometimes, but only when cameras are around
Earlier this week, your humble correspondent questioned whether or not this formerly engaged couple (with child — where are these children by the way?) could rekindle their romance after having had over 14,000 sexual partners during their three years apart. Okay, perhaps an exaggeration by a couple thousand, but these two were boinking like rabbits during their “break”. Can it be that their hormones have insisted on a “forgive and forget” policy and committed the pair back into the sack for a sweaty, naughty snack?