Humpday Roundup: Billy Corgan & Jessica Simpson -- Are They or Aren't They?

Posted December 9, 2009, 10:15 am   •   1 comments

It's Wednesday again, and that can mean only one thing -- the latest edition of the Humpday Roundup -- wherein Celebuzz sneaks into the boudoirs of rumored celebrity couples to answer the burning question, "Are They or Aren't They?"

» JESSICA SIMPSON and BILLY CORGAN

Uncle Billy, the uber-emo 90's rocker who's turned himself into the go-to boyfriend for wayward rocker chicks. Has he really turned his electric-guitar charms onto the tube-steak-pop-cowgirl-crooner with the beefy behind? 

Verdict:  Probably some light making out while crying together and listening to songs from "Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness"

» TIGER WOODS and THE ENTIRE PORN STAR / CLUB HOSTESS COMMUNITY

He, the world famous golfer with the picture perfect family. They (all), the trashy girls with short skirts and loose morals selling stories to the pay-for-news tabloids. The oddest of odd couples, unless you consider millions of years of finely honed man-stinct which overwhelms some men into believing that the future of the species depends upon their fornication.

Verdict: Humping (all 12 known to date)

» TILA TEQUILA and CASEY JOHNSON

Tila, the mentally unstable, bisexual "It" girl clinging to her 15 minutes of fame like your grandmother clings to her half-off coupon for Early Bird dining at The Sizzler. Casey, pretty much the same, only much richer thanks to family money from the tampon and Band-Aid business. These two way-too-old-to-be-drunk-and-vomiting-nightly gal pals now claim to be engaged and madly in love. Tough call as to the reality of these reality stars pitter-patterns, but I'm highly skeptical that either has spent a single night in the past year not passed-out in their clothes on the nearest couch or bathroom floor.

Verdict:  Totally make out sometimes, but only when cameras are around

» SIENNA MILLER and JUDE LAW

Earlier this week, your humble correspondent questioned whether or not this formerly engaged couple (with child -- where are these children by the way?) could rekindle their romance after having had over 14,000 sexual partners during their three years apart.  Okay, perhaps an exaggeration by a couple thousand, but these two were boinking like rabbits during their "break".  Can it be that their hormones have insisted on a "forgive and forget" policy and committed the pair back into the sack for a sweaty, naughty snack?

Verdict:  Humping