Tiger Woods and His Ladies Are Pure Class

Are y’all ready for a lesson in elegance? We hope so, because Tiger Woods and his army of alleged paramours are spreading it all over the Internet today.

The first case study in classiness comes from cocktail waitress and Tool Academy alum Jaimee Grubbs, who solidifies her place in the Miss Manners Hall of Fame by giving Us Magazine a handful of sexy text messages she claims to have exchanged with Woods.

The exchanges are presented below, without commentary because they pretty much speak for themselves. (Helpful hint: They’re a lot classier if you picture James Earl Jones’ voice in your head while reading them.)

SEPTEMBER 27, 2009
TIGER: I need you
JAIMEE: then get your tight *ss over here and visit me! I need u
TIGER: I will wear you out soon
JAIMEE: how soon? I got a new piercing

OCTOBER 18, 2009
JAIMEE wonders “why I keep falling more and more for u ;).”
TIGER: “because I’m blasian :).”

Pure class: You’re soaking in it.

Grubbs’ example in tastefulness, however, is outdone by porn star and fellow alleged Woods mistress Holly Sampson, who—again, according to Us Magazine—opened up about her relationship with the linksman back in May on venerable online news outlet Naughty America.

After detailing her supposed dalliances with actors Kevin Costner and Stephen Dorff, Sampson—star of such cinematic offerings as MILF Bone 4 and Girl on Girl Tickle Wards—declared, “I f***ed Tiger Woods…Me and my girlfriends did a bachelor party for Tiger and it was amazing. A friend of mine Brent Bolthouse—he runs a lot of nightclubs. He used to be a friend of mine and he was good friends with one of Tiger Woods’ assistants. So me and my girlfriends we did a bachelor party for Tiger and uh, it was amazing. And so he picked me to go into the room…”

Sampson goes on to opine, “I have to say he was really good…[Woods] is like the whitest black boy you’ve ever met. His teeth are perfect and he’s the perfect gentleman.”

Wow; all this and not-so-velied racism too? When they were handing out refinement, this gal clearly got in line for thirds.

Photo Source: INFDaily/Pacific Coast News