Jersey Shore vs. The Hills In The Battle of Who Cares

The perpetually-liquored brunettes of MTV’s Jersey Shore have challenged the bubble-headed blondes of MTV’s The Hills to an epic showdown of lifestyle superiority and the faux fur is about to fly.

According to Us Magazine, Jersey Shore’s preeminent lacquered bikini gnome, Snooki, has thrown down the hair-gel-covered-gauntlet to The Hills, labeling her own show as “better” than the The Hills. Snooki’s Jersey Shore castmate, Jenni Farley, aka J-Woww, sticks the knife in even deeper than her mono-syllabic castmate.

“We are not fake; we don’t try to present ourselves like we are fake. We don’t try to put ourselves in front of the cameras with the hair and the makeup. We tell everyone how we feel. We don’t say anything behind their backs.”

It is so very on. But, beyond the name calling and taunts, breaking this down all scientific, who really is the top dawg?  The cast of Jersey Shore or the Hills?

“Snooki” vs. Kristin Cavallieri

Kristin’s certainly had her share of boyfriend problems, but, can she take a man-punch like J.S.’s Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi and keep partying “all day and all night”.  Think not. 

Advantage:  Snooki

“The Situation” vs. Brody Jenner

Michael Sorrentino, aka “The Situation” is one cocky Guido. He makes the moves on most everything that crosses his path.  Brody Jenner, the same. Except, when Brody shoots, he shoots and scores. His little black book reads like a “Best of Hot Models” retrospective.  

Advantage: Brody Jenner

“J-Woww” vs. Heidi Montag

JWoww claims to have a boyfriend back home who she adores, but quickly gives up the honeypot to Jersey Shore castmate “DJ Pauly D”, a sin of commission no woman wants on her resume. In contrast, Heidi Montag is penning cringe-inducing love poems to her God-chosen lovemate, Spencer Pratt.

Advantage: Toss-up

“Jolie” vs Audrina Partridge

Not much to debate here. Audrina’s turned her dental hygienist-like charms into a series of straight-to-DVD movie roles and her own series of fast-food-burger-chain commercials, while “Jolie” now finds herself out of a home by the shore after intentionally skipping her shift at the t-shirt shop.

Advantage: Audrina

“DJ Pauly D” vs. Spencer Pratt

While the two would certainly battle for time in front of the bathroom mirror, a detailed investigation shows that Paul “DJ Pauly D” DelVecchio, at some point in his life, actually earned a paycheck at a real job, while Spencer, a distinct advantage over Pratt, whose livelihood seems to come almost entirely from shopping, lunching, and appearing on TV talk shows.

Advantage: DJ Pauly D

Add it up — it’s a tie!  Only time will tell who ultimately wins the battle for supremacy in the realm of MTV inane lifestyle reality shows.  As the fight continues, we expect to see even more epic, and completely nonsensical, shots fired across the bows of both party boats.

As the thought-provoking Snooki so brilliantly notes:

“Yeah, we just want to have a good time day and night — from the beach to the beach parties, all day and night!”