Can Snooki the Jersey Shore Punching Bag Heal Us All?
Friends, we believe we've found a way to heal the rifts that have been dividing this once-great nation for lo these many years.
While many—including us—were shocked at the sight of celebrated guidette Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi getting coldcocked in a bar during a promo for her runaway hit show Jersey Shore, apparently there was an upside to the whole atrocious display.
Snooki tells People magazine that seeing her get her clock cleaned by rage-addled high-school teacher Brad Ferro had a bonding effect on the cast:
"A positive came out of it...It definitely brought us closer together. It definitely brought us together as a family. We have each other’s backs and it was a positive.”
Indeed. But dare we suggest that the benefits of seeing Snooki getting popped might extend beyond the orange-skinned clan of America's favorite new reality show?
Not that we condone violence against any creature—man, woman, or Snooki—but if watching Snooki kiss knuckles can bring the varied personalities of Jersey Shore closer together, imagine what it can do for these increasingly fractious United States of ours. Might we propose a National Watching Snooki Get Punched Day?
Think about how much unity would emerge if we, as a nation, stood before our TV sets and watched Snooki get walloped, all while placing our hands to our hearts and pledging allegiance to the sight of Snooki bravely absorbing blows from a roid-raging troglodyte.
Prediction: The streets would soon be clogged with perfect strangers hugging each other in fits of proud national harmony.
What do you say, Snooki? Will you take one for Team America?