John Mayer Vows to Stop Dating; Nation’s Free Clinics Prepare for Massive Cutbacks

Sorry, ladies; the John Mayer Erotic Express has pulled into the station for the last time. At least for a while.

The puppy-eyed Battle Studies troubadour and legendary serial boyfriend—whose high-profile conquests include Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson and Minka Kelly—took to The Ellen DeGeneres Show on Tuesday to declare that 2010 will be a date-free year for Mayer.

And lo, four horsemen appeared on the horizon…

Admitting that he’s “a little freaked out by dating,” Mayer elaborated, 

“For some reason who ever I date has been famous for a while. I can’t sit here and be like, ‘Oh, please let me live my life in private with this famous person who’s been around for 15 years.’ The last thing you want is to see me doing is bashing my head going, ‘I’m shocked, that I’m being followed right now.’ … I’m just going to hunker down. 2010 is a peaceful year for me no matter what I do.”

Mayer went on to announce that his next album, Memorizing Baseball Statistics While Taking a Cold Shower and Fidgeting Uncontrollably, will hit store shelves in June.

Tell us in our poll: Do you think John Mayer will make it until 2011 without sleeping with anybody?