Snooki Should Get Punched in the Face Way More Often

Who knew that, outside of the boxing ring, taking a swift fist to the mug could be so lucrative? Since footage of pint-sized Jersey Shore guidette Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi getting popped in the face by a since-fired gym teacher in a New Jersey watering hole made its way into the public sphere, her personal appearance fee has skyrocketed by 500 percent, making her the highest-paid Jersey Shore cast member when it comes to event appearances.

A leaked email from NYU Law’s student listserv reveals that, when the school’s students first tried to book her for an event prior to the punch-up, her asking price was $2,000—lower than any of her orange-skinned brethren. But one well-placed knuckle sandwich later, her fee jumped to $10,000—more than Pauly D’s $7,500, J-WoWW’s five grand, and Ronnie’s $3,500.

Which is pretty impressive. But there’s always room to punch up those numbers. With enough fists to her terminally twisted-up kisser, Snooki could be making some real money—maybe even Johnny Depp money. But it’s going to take a lot of work. And a lot of punching.

What do you say, Snooki? Are you ready to take your rightful place among the best-compensated names in show biz? The next time you’re at one of your increasingly well-paid personal appearances, don’t leave the possibility of a punch in the face to chance. Invite it. Demand it. Embrace it.

Do it for you, Snooki. Do it for your future. Do it for all of us.