There’s a Lindsay Lohan Sex Tape? Unbelievable…That it Took This Long

Well, this should make an interesting follow-up to Lindsay Lohan’s documentary on human trafficking.

In a report that will surprise absolutely no one, the Mean Girls actress is supposedly in a tizzy because there’s a sex tape of her floating around out there, and its owner is preparing to unleash it on an all-too-suspecting public.

In the 47-second clip—which is said to be “dynamite”—LiLo supposedly frolics naked with an unidentified male and performs “a particular sex act which, obviously, should remain behind closed doors.”

Right. As opposed to all those sex acts that are best performed, say, in the frozen-food aisle of your local supermarket.

After unsuccessfully pitching the video to Hustler magazine, the owner—a “waiter with a well-known chain restaurant”—is now planning to release the footage on “an offshore porn site,” which would presumably place it outside of Lohan’s legal grasp.

Of course, there have been rumors of Lohan sex tapes in the past—most notably, a video that purported to show LiLo fellating her former flame Calum Best, and which proved to be bogus—and so far the only result has been widespread  disappointment (or is that relief?) when the tapes failed to materialize.

But if this time the rumors turn out to be true, the only really surprising aspect will be, how did a waiter at a chain restaurant get ahold of the video? She must be giving them out as tips now. Don’t judge—times are tough for everybody. Especially her.