John Mayer Wants You to Know That He Pleasures Himself. A Lot.

John Mayer really seems to be getting in touch with himself lately. Perhaps a bit too much.

Following a string of high-profile breakups, the Battle Studies troubadour admits in the new issue of Rolling Stone that he’s retreated to the solace of a partner that will always be there for him: His own hand.

Mayer tells the magazine, perhaps a bit too boastfully, 

“I am the new generation of masturbator. I’ve seen it all. Before I make coffee, I’ve seen more butt holes than a proctologist does in a week… I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life. The phone doesn’t pick up because I’m masturbating. And I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes. If Tiger Woods only knew when to j*rk off. It has a true market value, like gold bullion.”

Words to live by. Or at least shudder at. But to be fair, you have to give the guy a hand for being so honest.

On second thought, it’s probably not a good idea to let your hand have anything to do with John Mayer.

Tags: John Mayer
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