Exclusive Interview with Tila Tequila’s Unborn Child
While other media outlets are running to and fro trying to confirm reports that off-kilter-reality-star and grieving bi-fiancee, Tila Tequila is pregnant, at least according to Tila, for a price, Celebuzz has already obtained an exclusive interview with Tila’s maybe-baby.
Using some advanced scientific equipment, and visiting Ms. Tequila during one of her legendry 28-36 hour states of continuous REM sleep, we were able to get a direct line into the maybe-baby.
Transcript of Celebuzz’s (CB) sonographic conversation with Tila Tequila’s maybe-baby (MB).
CB: Tequila baby, thank you for agreeing to do this interview.
MB: It’s my pleasure. My schedule’s pretty open. Mostly naps, digestion, cell division, that sort of thing.
CB: First off, the question everybody seems to want to know, do you exist?
MB: For the right price, I’ll tell you <laugh>. Just kidding, yes, I do exist. Of course. Who do you think’s on the other end of this sonograph line?
CB: And, can you tell us who your father is?
MB: Do you have a phonebook? <snort>
CB: We’ve interviewed many unborn kids before, and they tend to be pretty serious. But you’ve got a real sense of humor.
MB: Hey, I’m Tila Tequila’s maybe-baby. If I can’t laugh, I’d just have to cry.
CB: What do you see in your immediate future?
MB: Well, I’d like to finish growing toes. Develop all the chambers of my heart. That kind of thing. Then I’d like to go to Europe.
CB: Oh, looking to get away?
MB: I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but let’s be honest. When I get out of this place, life ain’t gonna be no mashed peas and gravy. I’m gonna be slapped in front of Twitter-cam 24-7, watching mama doing her torch song tributes with flaming cocktails and Ginsu knife sets at the piano. You know I’m gonna get some kind of funky name designed to draw attention. Something like “Silvershot Tequila” or “Sebastian Jupiter Tequila”. I’m going to be stuck wearing clothes with mama’s latest project website address slapped onto the front. And when mama’s out of town, guess who sits for me? Courtenay Semel? Maybe some bim from the Pussycat dolls? Mama’s 12-step sponsor? You know I’m going have memorized the drive from our house to Child Protective Services by the time I’m out of diapers. So, I’m gonna make my escape, ASAP.
CB: Sounds like you’ve been doing a lot of thinking.
MB: When I’m not getting Grey Goose pouring through the umbilical cord, I can get some mind stuff done.
CB: Is there anything else you’d like to tell our readers?
CB: Yeah, we can’t.
MB: I know….pray.
CB: Thanks for your time today.
MB: No problem.