BUZZINGS: Whatever Paris Hilton Got for Her Birthday, It Wasn’t a Sense of Decency

  • How does Paris Hilton celebrate turning 29? By flashing her panties, duh. She must have been trying to blow out the candles by flapping her skirt. (The Superficial)
  • Lindsay Lohan says that she masked her problems with booze and cocaine. Translation: She spilled Jack Daniel’s all over her face, then passed out face-first in a huge pile of blow. (Parade)
  • Is Kanye West a tool of the Illuminati? Possibly; he’s obviously a tool of some sort. (Bossip)
  • Susan Boyle is on the hunt for a boyfriend. Jon Gosselin, are you reading this? (Starpulse)
  • Olivia Wilde crawls around on all fours in Elle magazine. Poor girl must have lost a contact. (Huffington Post)