BUZZINGS: World Shocked To Learn That Michael Lohan Has A Heart (Attack)

• Father-of-the-year Michael Lohan had a heart attack yesterday, probably after hearing that his cash cow daughter Lindsay Lohan doesn’t have a chance in Hell of winning that $100 million milkaholic E*Trade suit. (Popeater)

Betty White lands a starring role in a new comedy series, Hot in Cleveland, at the ripe ol’ age of 88. Meanwhile, nubile young actresses trying to make it in Hollywood cry themselves to sleep. (Starpulse)

• Rapper DMX has been ordered by a judge in Arizona to spend 6 months in jail and undergo a mental health evaluation. Wait, you mean the crack-smoking, dog-abusing, car-stealing DMX might have a few screws loose? (Wonderwall)

• Living 1,000-year-old mummy and star of the Real Housewives of New York, Bethenny Frankel, will take a break from terrorizing her cast mates and making young women feel bad about their bodies to get married all classy-like on the television. (LimeLife)

Amanda Seyfried won’t let her dad see her new movie because she has a nude love scene with actress Julianne Moore. We’ll let those words linger a little longer in your brains: Amanda Seyfried…nude…lesbian…love scene. (HuffPo)