Sandra Bullock Is Leaving Alleged Cheater Jesse James Because, Well, Duh

According to OK! magazine, a source says that Sandra Bullock is leaving her husband of five years, Jesse James, after allegations emerged that he had an affair with alt porn star Michelle “Bombshell” McGee.

James has been trying to make amends with Bullock but for some weird reason the Oscar-winning actress is just not cool with her husband sleeping around behind her back.

Meanwhile, McGee’s former porn-peddling boss reveals that McGee wasn’t exactly keeping the affair a secret. McGee blabbed to her friends that James and Bullock’s marriage was “for publicity” and that Bullock didn’t give James any money or help him in his career which was why he had to debase himself and go on Celebrity Apprentice.

(For those following along at home: appearing on Celebrity Apprentice is apparently worse than cheating on your wife with a woman who resembles a tattooed Skeletor.)

Sources report that Bullock is understandably “devastated” but is not releasing any official reports about the state of her marriage just yet. The Vanilla Gorilla might want to start packing up his little gorilla and motorcycle toys now since it looks like his days with Bullock are numbered.