Robert Pattinson Won’t Be The Next James Bond Because He Is Dirty, Smelly

Whoa, hey! Put down those pitchforks and torches, R-Pattz fans: we don’t think that Robert Pattinson is dirty or smelly. We think R-Pattz only smells like the finest of European flowers and bathes with the angels on a daily basis. However, the film execs currently looking to cast a new James Bond, don’t really think so well of our beloved, sparkling dreamboat.

Pattinson was reportedly being considered to be the new Bond but the film execs behind the film decided that he wasn’t right for the role because “the public perception [is] that Robert Pattinson’s personal hygiene is, well, lacking” and Bond is thought of as being clean and debonair.

Pattinson has reportedly joked that he is like “an old Irish alcoholic” and admits to lacking physical agility and strength, which plays a big role in Bond films. So, maybe R-Pattz understands the decision to exclude him the Bond films. We guess that gorgeous, rumpled hair doesn’t really translate to “spry.”

We think cutting R-Pattz from Bond has more to do with his age than his bathing habits. The film execs even mentioned that next to Pierce Brosnan (who, in a strange twist, plays R-Pattz dad in Remember Me) and Daniel Craig, “Robert Pattinson is a puppy.” Well he is, what, half their age?

Maybe in a few years we will see the Bond-ified R-Pattz? Until then, we are satisfied with him remaining our sweet Edward.