Heidi Montag’s Boobs Coming to a Theater Near You—in 3-D!

Heidi Montag’s personality may be as flat as a sheet of cardboard, but there’s at least one aspect of her that stands out, and she plans to make the most of it on the big screen.

Now that The Hills is wrapping up and she’s logged some serious-actress time in the upcoming Jennifer Aniston flick Just Go With It, Montag figures it’s time to spread her wings—or at least expand one of her body parts—and make the jump to  cinema. And just to let everyone know that she’s totally serious about it, Montag tells People magazine that she’s already written her first starring vehicle.

Oh, did we mention the project revolves around her surgically inflated breasts? And that it will be filmed in 3-D? Oh, yes. Check it:

“I am making the first 3-D beach comedy about a shark that attacks a small beach town and I save the day with my 3-D boobs. I’ve even written a role for Dolly Parton to play the town mayor!”

Well, that’s one way for Heidi to make her breasts seem bigger, now that she’s actually legally prohibited from surgically augmenting them any further.

Now the only question that remains is, once Heidi’s boobs save the beach town, who’ll save Heidi from the biggest boob of all?