Jessica Simpson Makes Bid to Become World’s Least Qualified Relationship Expert

Isn’t this a little like getting diet tips from Kirstie Alley? Jessica Simpson’s long line of beaus may have a habit of slipping out of her grasp like so many greased pigs, but she knows exactly how the rest of you lovelorn gals out there can attain lasting love. Yeah, really,  just ask her. The Price of Beauty hostess recently revealed the secret to everlasting romantic bliss while speaking to Fox News:

“It’s important for women not to find their confidence in a man. I think you really have to know who you are before you can truly fall in love and give your all, and I don’t think a man can define you. You have to own that. So if you’re ever with anyone who says you should change something about yourself then they should never fall in love with you in the first place.”

That’s right, ladies; it’s crucial that you not allow yourself to be defined by the men in your life. Which is why you’ll never see Jessica blabbing about her relationships in the media. Like, ever.

Next up: Simpson lectures us all on the importance of proper oral hygiene. Because she seems equally qualified to dispense advice on that topic too.