The ‘Jersey Shore’ Season 3 Primer

Jersey Shore is back on the air Thursday for a much-talked-about third season, and the gang is back at the actual Jersey Shore after spending the second season in Miami. Not caught up on all the ridiculousness that’s turned the show into a pop culture phenomenon? Well, read on for a full analysis of what the show’s cast has been up to (from handcuffs to book deals), and watch the premiere at 10pm EST on MTV!

On Thursday, Snooki told MTV the show could go on “our whole lives.”

This is what we do, and even if we weren’t getting paid, we’d still be going back to the shore and doing the same thing. So why not have cameras following us?

And as for her own hell-raising:

I just kind of went balls-to-the-wall, because I hated the male race, and I just wanted to go out and just, like, destroy every guy that I found, so I pretty much just did that.

The bronze guidette released her Shore-centric book A Shore Thing on Tuesday, while simultaneously kicking off a nationwide book tour. Also, it appears that Snooki’s July arrest for disorderly conduct will take center stage on the show this time around. “Where the f*** is the beach?” she drunkenly asked a pedestrian (on the new season’s trailer) while standing feet from the sand in what seem to be the moments before she A) face planted in the sand B) was hauled off by police.

Meanwhile, The Situation was being asked an inappropriate, sexual question by a young female fan on Good Morning America. “Can I touch your situation?” she inquired.

“I don’t even know if that’s allowed,” Sitch replied after the laughter died down. “I gotta check I.D. first.”

During the off season, DJ Pauly D signed on for his own spin-off on MTV. The 30-year-old told Vulture, “The concept of the show is my life story: how I came from this local Rhode Island D.J. and struggling to make it and pack the club, handing out flyers, promoting, to being on a television show. Now all of a sudden, these people are sending private jets asking me to D.J. for thousands of people. Yet I’m still the same guy that was D.J.’ing for 200 people. I’m not all stuck-up about it, I bring around my entourage with me, and all the antics that come along with it.”

Ronnie and Sammie’s rocky road to romance, a major plotline for the show last season, will continue into 2011, as the two reality stars are reportedly “working through some stuff right now.” When asked directly about the relationship on Good Morning America, Ronnie answered, “We’re still talking, and we’ll see what happens.” Sammie then added, “I think you should watch the show to really get a feel of how our relationship pans out.”

The cast’s newest recruit and Snooki’s best pal, Deena, was touted by The Situation as their “rookie of the year” for displaying drunkenness above and beyond the call of duty on her first day, and it’s easy to see why: “Snooks needed a party girl, and she wanted someone that would be able to go at 12 in the afternoon.”

In her own defense, Denna recalled her first day, “I was drinking from before I got there until six hours into the night. So by that time I was really drunk … I wanted to cuddle, so I went to take down my dress to show my bathing suit off [to the Situation and] I didn’t realize my bottoms came down with it. I was mortified.”

Watch the extended, explicit trailer for season 3:

So don’t watch if you have something against seeing girls getting punched in the face or the B word, mmkay?

Do you think the new Jersey Shore will top last season? Make a prediction in the comments section.