Relationship Expert Trina Dolenz Says Jennifer & Marc Started ‘Way Too Quickly’

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With the recent split between Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony it got Celebuzz asking what really went wrong? We reached out to relationship expert Trina Dolenz to hear what she had to say about Hollywood’s latest breakup. Trina was most recently featured on VH1’s reality show Tool Academy. She was educated and trained in Cambridge, England and later in London, where she earned her Post Graduate Diploma in Couples Therapy from Relate, the UK’s #1 Couples Therapy training organization.  She is the author of Retool Your Relationship and is a regular guest host on the hit radio show Loveline hosted by Psycho Mike Catherwood and Dr. Drew.

Trina Dolenz:  I am sure many are wondering what went wrong in this high profile celebrity marriage, which appeared to be working so well, until the seven-year-itch has supposedly led them to announce their separation so unexpectedly.

This relationship started way too quickly after their previous breakups for either of them to really grieve or change – both were seen together less than a week after Marc Anthony’s divorce was finalized and less than two months after J.Lo’s break-up with Ben Affleck .  Although she and Marc share very important core similarities of culture (both have Puerto Rican parents) and both were brought up in the same religion (Catholicism), which often is very important in sustaining a long-term relationship, especially when the couple start a family; there the similarities end. We can be duped into thinking they had so much in common just because they are both actors and recording artists. This is just their chosen battleground.

This couple came together in an unspoken ‘deal’ whereby J.Lo would give Marc some glitter to his career and he would give her a rock to lean on.  This is the classic case of what we therapists call ‘Star and Fan.’ At the start of this particular modern-day fairy tale, many of the relationships flaws, problems, incompatibilities, are swept under the carpet and these two had plenty of distractions to keep them blind. But at some point, the glitter fades and the truth of the relationship begins to reveal itself. As we saw on American Idol, a job she supposedly took to revive her already unbelievably successful career, Marc Anthony had to muscle his way onto the show to try to gain some of the glory his wife was basking in. He often led her back to her roots in the career choices he helped her to make in their recordings and films, but often they were the ones that failed.  This will have added to Marc’s feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness, making him aggressively try to exert power over his wife to gain some control.

I am sure if we were able to be a fly on the wall at their family home we would be witness to some pretty volatile exchanges.  This couple have probably been battling it out for some time now and have decided to call it quits realizing their relationship no longer provides Jennifer with stability or security but is leaving them both feeling distant and alienated. This couple came together as old friends, who once dated in the past. J.Lo hoping for safety and a relationship that can last longer than two years, Marc maybe hoping to be loved for who he really is?  J.Lo swings from the boring to the dangerous in her pick of men, but always men she hopes ultimately to get the better of (with the exception of Sean “Puffy” Combs where she have got more than she bargained for).

On top of their fight for dominance, they have had to deal with what is a very precarious time in a marriage; the first three years after having kids, and this couple had twins! J.Lo moved her mother into the family home, probably to help out with the children, but I am quite sure it has driven a wedge further into their relationship by changing the family power balance even more in Jennifer’s favor, so distancing Marc Anthony from more decisions.  Marc may feel he is now in a threesome and we could find out later that he has decided to find his own diversion.

You can follow Trina on Twitter @TherapistTrina and on her Facebook Fan Page.