'The Real Housewives of New Jersey' Recap: Time for Whine-Making
Note: Spoilers if you haven't watched Sunday's episode, "Whine Country"
Chris Laurita had a meeting set up in Napa and invited the entire Jersey gang to come along. During the trip, Melissa Gorga laid down the law with her estranged sister-in-law Teresa: Stop smack talking about us in magazines!
Teresa Giudice tried to convince Melissa she only talked to the mags about her issues and has no clue what else the tabloids will dig up to print. Melissa cried foul, and so do we! Melissa argued she knew the source of the magazine's dirt was Teresa and Teresa alone. Tre countered that once the rags are ready to run a story there isn't anything she can do to stop them.
Once the posse arrived and settled into their accommodations, they headed off to the vineyard where brother-in-laws, Joe "Juicy" Giudice and Joe Gorga, decided to embrace their inner teenagers by tossing the grapes around. Nothing says professional like playing with the product! Tre, of course, didn't understand why Caroline Manzo and the rest of the Manzos were being so uptight.
Later, the vineyard owners took the Jersey crew to a wine cave and gave them a sample of wine that had yet to be released to the public. At this precise moment, Juicy Joe opted to loudly announce how a sculpture reminded him of an upside down Joe Gorga, genitals on display! Classy.
The two bickered back and forth in front of the shocked vineyard owners. A horrified and quick-thinking, Chris L. broke up the melee with a joke. Gotta love Jacqueline's guy!
While Chris was defusing a potential Guido bomb, his sister Caroline's kids blindfolded the Manzo matriarch for a secret trip. Albie, Lauren and Christopher had planned a special dinner overlooking the vineyard in honor of Caroline's 50th birthday. The toast the Manzo offspring made to their mother brought tears to even the hardest faces seated at the table. Not to be outdone, Juicy Joe also made a toast about the importance of friendship, causing Tre to tear up.
As the gang gathered to take a picture, Juicy Joe slinked away to make a call. Before anyone could ask, "Can you hear me yet?" Joe was brutally trashing Teresa to the person on the other end of the line. Tre went searching for her charming spouse, who claimed he was talking to one of his workers. Apparently wine, teary toasts and sneaky phone calls make Teresa horny, baby. She wanted to have a quickie with her potty-mouthed hubby in the vineyard! Mercifully, Joe G. declined.
The final night of the vineyard stay, Kathy Wakile remarked to Caroline and Jacqueline Laurita that Tre seemed to be getting closer to everyone else but her. Caroline told Kathy she needed to say something. The women agreed Kath should sit next to Teresa at dinner. Things seemed to be going fine, until Tre decided to make a toast of her own. When she talked about how grateful she was to be getting closer to her brother and sister-in-law and wished Caroline a happy birthday, poor Kathy once again felt shut out. Why was Tre so anxious to reconnect with everyone else in her life, save for her cuz?
OMG!: Juicy Joe announcing to everyone that Tre wanted a quicky. I could've done without hearing that.
Thank you, TV gods: Teresa finally admitting she snitches to the tabloids about her family and friends.
Awk-ward: Teresa asking Joe for sex in her caboose to make him laugh while taking a picture. Yeah, that's funny.
Hotness: Albie tearfully making a toast to her mom. Big guys cry too, ladies!
Fab-u-lous: Melissa's knockout dress for the final night at the vineyard. W.O.W!
Can. Not. Wait.: Caroline and Teresa's catfight next week. All season long it has been simmering and I'm just ready for it to boil over already.
Celebuzz Meter (1-10): 7
Do you think Caroline and Teresa will finally hash things out? Will Kathy finally get some respect from cousin Tre? Sound off below!
-- Jillian Bowe