'The Bachelor' Star Courtney Robertson Reveals She's Writing a Tell-All Book, Hasn't Spoken to Ex Ben Flajnik Since Split (EXCLUSIVE)

"I never fought harder for someone"
Courtney Robertson
'Bachelorette' Split
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Emily and Jeff confirm their break-up. Read More »

Courtney Robertson is writing a tell-all memoir which she's promised will contain explicit details about her romantic relationships with ex-lovers.

In her first in-depth interview since splitting from The Bachelor Ben Flajnik on Oct. 5, 29-year-old Robertson revealed to Celebuzz that she has begun to meet potential publishers.

"I’m writing a book about my experience... it would be more about clearing the air," Robertson said. "Through everything that happened, they tried to dig up my past … I had no voice."

The model added: "I think it can be pretty steamy -- I’m not gonna lie. It would be like 100 Shades of Grey!

"I’m a hopeless romantic. That’s been the main theme in my life... I’ve had great relationships. Work is work, but I am happiest when I’m in a healthy, happy relationship."

Read on for our exclusive Q&A with Robertson, including why she believes she was edited to be a "villain."

Celebuzz: How does it feel to be off The Bachelor and back to normal life?

Courtney Robertson: The farther away I get from the show it feels really good, actually. Last year was so much for me, it was a lot to handle. But it feels good. I was planning on moving to San Francisco so I was there a lot  and going back and forth. So it’s been really nice to be living and staying in Los Angeles where I’ve lived for 10 years so it feels good to settle back into my normal life in L.A. and not traveling so much.

CB: Tell us why was last year was especially difficult for you?

CR: It was a lot to handle. I left from filming The Bachelor and I was engaged and happy and in love. Never in a million years did I think I gave them the material to edit me as the villain. I was shocked that happened. That was really hard.  To be honest, I didn’t even watch the show. I couldn’t. There were things that were way taken out of context. And I wasn’t in a position to stand up for myself.  I can’t sit there and pick apart each show and say, "Well, I was actually talking about this," or "This girl said this to me." I had to accept it. And on top of that I was going through heartache and Ben and I hit that rough patch. I would come outside and there would be five paparazzi and no one prepared me for that. I’ve never experienced that before.

I heard people say, "She wants to be famous" and I think the thing that people who don’t know me is that I’ve lived in L.A. for 10 years and I’ve never pursued being an actress and I never really wanted that.

I actually had a pro and con list [before going on the show]. They talked me into it and said ‘go and meet him and if you don’t like him you can leave that night.’ So no harm, no foul. So I’ll try it. Number one on my con list was I didn’t want to be known as that girl from The Bachelor and I don’t want people coming up to me. I like my privacy. Now I’ve learned to accept it and actually embrace it. So many wonderful people come up to me and if I can make their day brighter, I want to do that. But that was a struggle [at first].

CB: After being on the show what’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned?

CR: I think I’ve learned a lot about myself and how much I can endure. But I guess the biggest lesson would be sometimes love is not enough. You can try so hard to make something work and at the end of the day love is not enough.

CB: Was that the case with you and Ben?

CR: For us, it was a lot of pressure from the show and the negativity of it and I felt like we overcame that as much as we could. But I just think there were so many outside factors and so much played into it. I put my all into that relationship. I never fought harder for someone. You know, it was a big disappointment for me -- that loss.

CB: Do you have any regrets?

CR: I don’t because I was happy. I thought I had found the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with and start a family with. So we had it going on for a moment in time.  But I don’t regret it. I think I made the best decision at that point in time.

CB: You’re a successful model. Now after experiencing reality TV, do you have any new career goals?

CR: It was a transition. I’ve got regular catalog clients and print clients. It’s something I’ve done for 10 years and I’ve built great relationships. I would love to help people with diet and exercise. And I thought about writing a book.

Mainly right now I’m writing a book about my experience. So I’m meeting with publishers to get that off the ground, so that’s been really good for me.

CB: Will the book be an autobiography chronicling your relationship with Ben?

CR: I think it would be more about clearing the air. Through everything that happened they tried to dig up my past. Like I said, I had no voice. So [it would be] just more a out my life experience and moving to L.A. at 19 and the course of my relationships and dating and what led me to go on the show.

CB: It sounds like a good read.

CR: I hope so! I think it can be pretty steamy -- I’m not gonna lie. It would be like 100 Shades of Grey. No. (laughs) Just about love. I’m a hopeless romantic. That’s been the main theme in my life. I’ve had great relationships. Work is work, but I am happiest when I’m in a healthy, happy relationship.

CB: So whoever says they love being single is lying.

CR: I wish I can say that! But I hate it. I really don’t like being single. I’m enjoying it so far. It’s like starting all over.

CB: Have you talked to Ben since the split?

CR: I haven’t spoken to Ben since we broke up over the phone. We haven’t spoken. We texted a little bit shortly after. But no, we haven’t talked.

CB: Another Bachelorette couple -- Emily Maynard and Jef Holm -- have also announced they split up. Why don’t TV relationships work?

CR: I met Emily a few times and she’s a sweetheart. And I met Jef too -- they’re both really neat people. You know, I think The Bachelor has such a huge following, but honestly having been through it -- and I don’t know they’re situation -- but just the media -- it’s a lot. Relationships are a lot of work and especially when you’re starting out and getting to know someone that should be the fun part, but it’s added pressure when there’s a media storm going on around you.

CB: On another note, Bachelorette shley Hebert and her fiancée J.P. Rosenbaum have stood the test of TV time. They’re getting married on television in December. Will you go to the wedding?

CR: Ben and I hung out with Ashley and J.P. in New York. They are a great couple and I’m so happy for them. I don’t know if I’ll be attending, but I’m happy for hem. I think they’re going to go the distance.

CB: Would you ever consider being the next Bachelorette?

CR: I haven’t even thought about that. That’s terrifying! I don’t think it would ever happen. I think they did a pretty good job of painting me in a pretty bad light. I wish I could meet people who were hating on me and they could see the real me.

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