‘American Horror Story: Asylum’ Recap: 5 WTF Moments From ‘Unholy Night’
A homicidal maniac wreaks havoc on Briarcliff — and he’ll forever change the way you look at a man in a Santa suit. Trust me. Meanwhile Sister Jude (Jessica Lange) faces off with Sister Satan (Lily Rabe), who leaves yet another body in her wake.
Note: Spoilers if you haven’t watched Wednesday’s episode, “Unholy Night.”
1. Bad Santa.
Ian McShane is the creepiest Santa ever. Seriously, I think I’m forever going to be traumatized by the first eight minutes of “Unholy Night.” A Santa that murders families? A Santa that murders fellow Santas?! A Santa that bites people’s faces off?!! No wonder they keep Bad Santa in solitary confinement. You’re a mean one, Mr. Murphy.
But now that Sister Satan is in charge of Briarcliff’s Christmas festivities, she decides it’s time to let psycho Santa loose. And despite the previous year’s horrific photo-opp, Monsignor Howard (Joseph Fiennes) thinks this is a good idea. Unfortunately, for the residents of Briarcliff, it’s not such a good thing.
“Please — and that’s not a word I use often — I’m begging you. Please help her,” Dr. Arden tells Sister Jude. There ‘s no doubt he misses Sister Mary Eunice’s purity, but he’s not about to join forces with his mortal enemy to get his poor, innocent candy apple-fearing Sister back.
Just went you think Arden and Sister Jude have made a pact to take down the devil together, Arden proves — once again — why he is the worst guy ever and betrays Sister Jude’s trust. Instead, he sets her up to spend some one-on-one time with psycho Santa and the knife Sister Satan gave him. It looks like Arden and Sister Satan had planned this from the start. Yikes!
Arden doesn’t believe in God, so why should he fear the devil?
3. Sister Jude vs. Sister Satan.
Finally! Sister Jude confronts the devil residing in Sister Mary Eunice and tells the dark spirit to take a hike. Of course, did she really think she could defeat the devil?
Sister Jude may not have won this round, but she’ll do anything to help sweet, innocent Sister Mary Eunice. After all, she made a promise to her.
Of course, Dr. Thredson would return to Briarcliff to finish what he started. But did he really have to chose Christmas to do so? Poor Lana just can’t catch a break.
Oliver tells Lana that after she escaped, he killed off Bloody Face — burning every piece of evidence in his house. However, he wants Lana to be Bloody Face 2.0’s first victim. Things don’t look good for Lana, who almost gets strangled to death but thankfully, Kit is there to come to her rescue.
Isn’t it fitting how the man she nearly condemned to certain death is now coming to save her? Ryan Murphy wasn’t lying when he called Kit (Evan Peters) “the hero of the show.” Although, he’s almost too selfless — to a fault. If he hadn’t gone back for Grace, he would be half-way to Canada now.
5. Dr. Arden’s shocking encounter in the Death Chute.
Wait, are you telling me the aliens actually do exist? When Dr. Aden brings Grace’s body down the Death Chute, he realizes that he isn’t alone. The aliens strike again! But this time, they take Grace’s body.
I was originally amused by the idea that Kit saw aliens. I thought it was an interesting ploy to convey that Kit, although innocent, was still somehow crazy. However, now that Sister Jude and Arden have both seen ET and his merry gang of green men, I’m now convinced the aliens might be real. Is Murphy punk’ing us? Or am I losing my mind? Anyway, we need answers — and fast! I’m losing my patience when it comes to this alien storyline.
OMG!: No, not Frank! For some reason, I harbored a soft spot for Briarcliff’s head security guard. Sure, he may have killed Grace — but it was an accident, and he felt awful about it! He definitely didn’t deserve to die at the hands of the devil. It looks like things are only going to get bloodier in Briarcliff.
Awk-ward: I’m sorry, but would you want to wear poop-stained ruby earrings? Yeah, I didn’t think so. I guess the devil doesn’t have such standards.
Hotness: Kit’s drug-induced daydream of Alma and what their life could have been was emotional on many different levels, but mostly because Kit single-handedly carried a Christmas tree into their apartment and then continued to wrap his arms around his wife’s pregnant belly. It was hot in a rugged Boston sort of way.
Fab-u-lous: When Sister Jude managed to take down Bad Santa, I literally jumped off my couch and cheered. I love that there are so many strong female characters this season. Lily Rabe, Sarah Paulson and Jessica Lange have all given outstanding performances. Girl power, Sister!
Can. Not. Wait.: To get to the bottom of this alien nonsense. Since Arden has now seen the extraterrestrials, does this mean they’re actually real? And what did they need with Grace’s body? Will they find a way to revive her? There are so many questions and not enough answers. Also, next week, Dylan McDermott returns as modern-day Bloody Face. Is he somehow related to Thredson? Looks like we’ll have to wait and see.
Celebuzz Meter (1-10): 8 — Did you really have to make Santa a homicidal maniac, Ryan Murphy? Bah, Humbug!
American Horror Story: Asylum airs Wednesdays at 10 PM on FX.
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