'The Bachelor' Recap: Sean Lowe Is the Next Fabio

The ABC dating show takes a page from romance novels on Monday's episode.

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On the second episode of Sean Lowe’s turn on ABC's The Bachelor, one thing seems abundantly clear: He’s contractually obligated to show his nipples on every episode. Preferably, a few times.

This week, the boyish blonde hunk got down to business choosing his future wife/tabloid magazine cover partner.

Note: Spoilers ahead if you haven't watched Monday's episode.

Sarah earned the first one-on-one date and continually called attention to the fact that she didn’t want to call attention to only having one arm.

“My ability to love isn’t based on how many hands I have,” she said . And she’s right. Unless, of course, she’s having a threesome. In that case she’s kind of screwed.

For their outing, Sean made poor Sarah plummet down the side of a building because...?? That happens a lot in a marriage? I have no idea. This seems to be the go-to first date on The Bachelor franchise -- Vienna and Jake famously made out, upside down, like possums, after a bungee jump. You know how that turned out, Sarah.

Sidenote: Is anyone verifying the professions of these women? Half of them are “models” -- Instagram doesn’t count, ladies -- while pitiful little Kacie B is merely billed as “Ben’s Season.” Like that’s a fulltime job.

Next up was the group date: a deux photo shoots for Harlequin romance novels between Sean and the ladies. As the women were poured into bodices and Sean oiled up his pecs (literally), the women began to get irked with two-faced Tierra. So far, she’s shaping up to be the Courtney “Winning!” Robertsonof this season.

During the photo shoots, the other girls really got to show their personalities, namely Daniella, who quipped, “I feel like I’m on a pony ride”...while she was on a pony ride. It’s like a sauna in here!

Sean gave a smooch to Lesley during their shoot and admitted that she and her disgustingly toned abs “made an impression” on him --and Tierra too.

“I’m the kind of girl [that gets] right to the point,” sniped Tierra. Um...OK. It’s weird she said “point” when she meant “third base” isn’t it?

Ultimately, “model” Kristy won the competition (but not a rose) and the group adjourned to the pool for some drinking/flirting/shade throwing. Sean had a quick, adorably awkward make-out sesh with Lesley again before shifting Kacie out of the friend zone, ultimately giving her the second rose.

Meanwhile, poodle-haired Katie, the yoga instructor, bugged out and went home, saying The Bachelorprocess just isn’t for her. But hopefully, a Brazilian keratin treatment is the process for her because... damn.

Sean’s next one-on-one date was with Desiree. And while he shoved Sarah off a building, he chose to “feel out her sense of humor” by making her think she destroyed a million dollar art piece at a gallery. LOLZ!

Satisfied with her chillax attitude in the face of (possibly) destroying a seven-figure sculpture, Sean rewarded her with lots of sloppy Frenching in the pool (no wonder Arie gave him kissing tips -- yikes) and a rose. So far, the chemistry between these two seems the strongest and they seem evenly matched in the “We’re both kind of like Golden Retrievers in human form” way.

Back at the ranch, Amanda acted like someone had shot her with a tranquilizer dart full of peyote, glaring creepily at the other girls as they tried to make conversation, but bubbling to life for her chat with Sean.

Ultimately, it was single mom Diana and black girl Brooke who got the heave-ho. But judging by next week’s previews, Tierra’s days look numbered. As does her sanity.

Will Sean’s dreams of wifing up a desperate 24-year-old fall flat? Or do you agree with Sean that his wife is in this room? His room, not yours. Although really, who knows.

-- Shallon Lester

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