'Bachelor' Recap: Sean Lowe Is Breaking Records and Hearts (VIDEO)

The ABC show captures the longest kiss and the most awkward goodbye.

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The dramz began in earnest this week on ABC's The Bachelor and within the first 30 seconds the blonde hunk fulfills his contractual obligation to show his pecs as often as possible. No complaints here.

Note: Spoilers if you haven't watched Monday's episode.

Sean whisked Lesley M. to a date at the Guinness World Book of Records museum, because what’s more romantic than gawking at people with birth defects and terrible compulsions to eat bike tires? Nothing. Nothing.

Unless, it’s Sean and Lesley setting their own record: longest on-screen kiss!

I, pervert, assumed that the longest kiss would be like nine hours, but it’s only 3:15, which of course Sean viewed as an eternity.

Around Minute 1, these two prudes were already struggling but actually managed to make it and set the record! Post-smooch, the pair admitted they were developing feelings for each other (oooo!) and Sean gifted her with a rose (OOOOOO!).

Back at the house, essentially all the ethnic/brunette girls were asked on the group date: a cutthroat game of beach volleyball. The ladies -- who were like a goddamn Pinterest thinspiration board come to life -- dropped any pretense of sweetness as they competed for a smaller group date.

That night, Crazy Eyes Amanda threw MAYJAH shade at Dez, which Kacie B used as a chance to run tell dat to Sean, because “he doesn’t like drama.” Mistake, boo boo.

Her tactic backfired as he testily asked why this was her biz and called her the C word: crazy.

Ultimately, “I Wore a Wedding Dress on the First Day” Lindsay earned a rose. Kacie, no doubt, hoped this means he likes crazy.

The next day, as intimidatingly perfect AshLee prepped for her one-on-one date, Tierra had an"accident," tumbling down the stairs and swooning long enough for Sean to arrive and called the paramedics. But, she shooed them away and let Sean spoon her back to health on the patio instead.

Finally, content that Tierra's head wouldn't, couldn't possibly make her any dumber, he and AshLee jetted off to Six Flags Magic Mountain. Sean had, quite adorably, invited along two chronically ill teen girls to third wheel it for the day and marvel at AshLee’s bouncy extensions. Not super sure that strapping brittle, sick kids to death trap coasters was a great idea, but whatever, YOLO. A private concert from Eli Young Band capped off the foursome’s night. But once alone with Sean, AshLee seemed determined to steer the conversation to her own sad foster home backstory. Sexy!

Props to her for being real and props to Sean for politely nodding until she was done. Then, it was on to more terrible looking kissing and a rose for AshLee.

The following night, Sean wanted to remind one-armed Sarah that she’s still on his mind by doing perhaps the most adorable thing ever: chauffeuring in her dog, Leo. I die.

During the rose ceremony, things took a strange turn when Sean called a time out to yank Kacie away and... dump her in private. Apparently he had “too much respect” for her to suffer the ignominy of another ceremony, and shoved her out the backdoor into a hatchback. Not even a limo. Even Leo the dog got a limo.

Taryn and Kristy were shown the door, but whatever, YOLO. Next week’s roller derby challenge promises broken bones and broken hearts (maybe someone will pop an implant!) and more manufactured dramz from Tierra.

Will Tierra’s antics ultimately win Sean’s PECS heart? Or will sweeter girls like AshLee and Dez prevail?

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