'Kourtney & Kim Take Miami' Recap: Scott Can't Have a Lesbian Friend or 6? (VIDEO)

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It’s getting easier and easier to keep up with the Kardashians, at least where Kourtney and Kim are concerned. Once upon a time their antics in Miami or NYC involved drunken nights out and explosive fights. Now, the girls spend their time talking about pregnancy and kittens on E!'s Kourtney & Kim Take Miami. Zzzzzzz.

This week’s activities centered around breast milk, lesbians and rashes, which may sound interesting but really ranked somewhere between filing your taxes and going to church on the excitement scale.

Kim kicked off the episode by discovering that breast milk can help ease psoriasis (how sexy!) and schemed with bestie Jonathan Chebanto steal some of Kourt’s boob juice. I KNOW, RIGHT? I’M ON THE EDGE OF MY SEAT?!

Kourtney, meanwhile, resumed her role of nagging parental figure to poor Scott Disick, who has quickly become the most likeable character on this show. How did that happen? Lord Disick, along with Kim, managed to escape Kourtney for an afternoon to party with his new douche-bro Chapman and a slew of lesbians. LD bonded with one such lesbian, Dani, who looks so familiar -- was she on A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila?? How does America know her?

Anyway, when Kourt heard that Scott was having any shred of fun whatsoever, she Skyped up her therapist to whine. Kourt’s shrink advised that rather than fire off a heap of insane sounding texts, she should draft her rants to emails but never send them. Good idea!

But, the Kardashians have a way of turning a good idea (marriage) into catastrophic mistakes (72 days), don’t they? When Kourt heard that Scott was making yet another playdate with lesbian Dani, she was so enraged that she enlisted Kim to help her write a psychotic message listing all the things she hates about him -- but not send it. Healthy right? Yes... until butterfingers Kim hits send “accidentally” (Freud would have a field day with this one) and a baffled, furious Scott stomped in and demanded an explanation for such bizarre complaints like, “Your only friends should be your children.”

I meannnn... Scott is a total wanker, but c’mon with this, Kourtney. Is there really anything wrong with a guy hanging out with six hot lesbians and thinking of homo-hilarious names for his future boat? I personally vote for Lezboat over Lez-B-Honest, don’t you?

Kourt gave a smug, half-hearted apology while Scott stormed out to shop for ties with Dani, while Kim something something breast milk, blah blah psoriasis. I temporarily lapsed into a coma during all of her segments, ditto with anytime Mr. Cheban appeared on screen. I’m actually starting to miss the farting man-child that was Kris Humphries. At least you could figure out his sexual orientation.

In the end, Kourt and Scott kinda sorta patched things up after he threatened to go off to NYC -- where he wasn’t under 24 hour surveillance -- but Kourtney smugly, half-heartedly insisted that she did indeed care about him. Then Kourt, who's increasingly becoming the dullard, gave her man a little makeup sex. I’m sorry that was a typo, I meant to say a fist bump. She gave the father of her two children a fist bump.

Ain’t love grand?

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  • michael David Quinn
    michael David Quinn

    Hi ladies, my name is Michael. im a Great Nephew of Late Bing Crosby. i was born with a hole in my heart back in 1959. i have some 3year old neighbors two of them would like to play with your kid if possible. im also known as UncleMike, i have 32 nephew and neices, one that wears a size 15 shoe.at 15. josh Duhmal knows of me if that helps. im the oldest open heart liveing patient that had it back in 1965 at 6yrs old,can you guys come to our dive bar in Santa Cruz to help our Vets out on May 15th a Wednesday., im a really nice guy. the event will be at a biker bar called Callahans, wed so appreciate it if espically for free, ill have our newspaper do an artical on you all. i love your show and i met your dad one time when he wrote his first book at the L.A. mall around 1980. i kinda look like Bruce Jenner my idol. please come. ill be your friend forever,my number is 831-431-7118. but can you meet my neighbors kids there reall cute like you are, thank you all. say hi to Bruce my idol

  • Asia
    Asia

    This show is scripted, anyway. In their attempt to make it more exciting, they just make duller and duller. Almost unbareably so. Usually I'll try to look past it, but Scott's long to short, short to long, then back again hair throughout tonight's episode, proved how staged it all is. Which means they reshot the majority of this stuff, to crank the 'drama'. I mean seriously, things that were supposed to be happening continuously, were paused, and then blatantly reenacted. You'd think with all this fakeness, they'd be better actresses/ actors.