You Totally Saw This Coming: Pippa Middleton Gets Properly Spoofed

After Pippa Middleton released her widely-panned party book, Celebrate, both the high-brows and the hoi polloi had a field day with her tips, which included “a turkey at Christmas time is good for large gatherings” and “ice goes great with drinks.

Back when the book debuted in October, one brilliant mind created a twitter account parodying the royal in-law’s tips.  Come June 6th, that anonymous user will release their own book, this time steering the well-heeled towards a successful pregnancy.  Aptly titled What To Expect When One Is Expecting: A Posh Person’s Guide To Pregnancy And Parenting, the how-to states some of the most obvious and delightfully obnoxious pieces of advice for those Sloane Rangers and royals who find themselves with child.

“Getting published is one of the best ways for people to be able to buy the book that you have written,” the author told Britain’s Look Magazine.  “It came to my attention that we were in the middle of a baby boom, so what better time for me to write a complete guide to pregnancy, babies and parenting? Though families have struggled through in the past without my help, with my new guide having a baby in your life has never been easier or more enjoyable!”

Some key points to take away from the book:

“At one week, your baby is the size of a speck of chestnut flour. At this stage, it’s best to avoid letting people know you’re pregnant. You can do this by not mentioning it. Handy excuses to explain why you’re not drinking Bollinger or eating sashimi: ‘This shellfish isn’t sustainably sourced’ ‘I prefer PETA-approved foie gras’ ‘Thank you, no, I’m eating at the palace later’ ‘I’m hungover.'”

“Morning sickness is best avoided by sleeping until the afternoon.”

“During pregnancy you need more iron, so ensure your housekeeper is on hand to rid your silk garments of creases.”

Follow @Pippatips on Twitter.

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