Armie Hammer Survived A Sexy-Time Knife Attack And Hopes You Can Relate

at 3:00 pm | By

Armie Hammer seems like one of those actors that could quite possibly turn you into stone if you catch a glimpse of him in real life. He’s that charming, yet not relatable to anyone on the planet. It’s scary.

Mr. Medusa, as I’ll be calling him from now on, sat down with a writer for Elle magazine and dove deep into his Hollywood origin story.

While talking about his early years as an actor, he said, “One chick tried to stab me when we were having sex. She was like, ‘True love leaves scars. You don’t have any.’ And then she tried to stab me with a butcher knife. Of course I promptly broke up with her.”

Seven months later, he adds.

Excuse me? She tried to stab you and you stayed for seven months? Was that to make up for the fact that you called her a word normally reserved for baby chickens?

The rest of the piece reads along the same lines, as Armie attempts to seem human while also promoting The Lone Ranger. It’s just weird that he thinks telling this story will help him connect with anyone other than a few frat members at various colleges across the country.

Thankfully you’re already married Armie, or else I’d warn you to hide the rest of your cutlery for a while.