Breaking: Beyonce Eats In-N-Out Burger

Forget what you’re reading about in the rest of the world today, because Beyonce just ate a burger and fries from In-N-Out. What? How did this happen?

Did she stroll in late at night and wait on that long line and stare at the menu pretending to decide on something when all she wanted was that secret burger everyone in LA brags about? When she got to the counter, did she order said burger quietly, nervously, afraid of sounding like a tourist? And when she finally got her order, did she toss the bag onto the passenger seat and pick fries out of it, three-by-three, as she drove back home?

Probably not. In fact, the photo she posted to Instagram Tuesday suggests she ate the burger in the most Beyonce way possible. For one thing, she hasn’t even touched the damn thing. (If it were you or me, it would have been gone in a second.) Secondly, she’s eating it with two champagne flutes, instead of a lukewarm soda (or, worse, beer). Thirdly, she has three laptops with her, which is about two and a half more than the number I currently have at home.

But, hey, breaking news.